Why I hate advertising people

I just saw, for about the 375^th time, the Lowes commercial with the dimwit asking the saleswoman to help him with picking out a Christmas gift for the missus. He starts by telling her "Could you pretend you're my wife?"

This is where the advertisers go grossly wrong. I figure that if this woman really were to portray an actual wife being presented with the options from Lowes as her likely Christmas present, she'd take his silly ass on down to the "large, heavy, bladed objects" aisle and commence to chop this low-wattage soul into small, easy-to-hide pieces.

Dude then shows her a number of handy 'round the house types of things such as a leaf blower. Let's be honest here... Unless this fellow has married the female version of Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor, there is pretty much bugger all that a woman wants from Lowes for her Christmas present. In all honesty, my wife complained when I bought my leaf blower, and it wasn't intended for her use or amusement. Even my wife pointed out that the gift card that Captain Short Bus and the sales chick decided on would be most unwelcome in her stocking. She simply stated "Yeah, I want hardwood floors. A Lowes gift card to further that purchase simply doesn't count as my Christmas present."

I figure that if the woman on the commercial really were into the whole global sisterhood of womankind thing that she'd point out a simple truth. At Christmas, women are interested in gifts from only one five-letter store that ends with an "s." Zales.