Roadway rantings

I had some time in the car this afternoon, and I have a few gripes from the roadway that I felt necessary to share with the world...

First, to the young lady who was driving the red Grand Am with the passenger side wing mirror hanging loose: Hang the God damned phone up and drive, would you? You were weaving like a drunk, and I have a feeling you'll be more capable of driving a straight line and less likely to shear off parts of your automobile if you pay a bit of attention to what the hell is going on around you rather than discussing whatever it is that is of great import to women under 25 these days.

Next item is to the gentleman who is older than the posted speed limit between Colorado Springs and Monument. The blinking light on your dashboard is meant to tell you that you're advertising to the entire world that you wish to make a right turn. Being as you were parked in the left lane doing tectonic speeds, it was clear to all who were stuck behind you that you had no immediate intention to get the hell out of the way. Please... Don't give us false hope. Just cancel the damn signal.

Back to a younger dude... Your 1979 (or whatever year it was) Rabbit which was burning more oil than the Iraqi Army did during their retreat from Kuwait during the first gulf war is utterly incapable of handling the speeds which people in the left lane want to operate their cars. Why do you need to wait until someone whose closing speed's in excess of 20mph has reached a spot where they decide to change lanes to get around you before changing lanes yourself? Honestly.

And the last one is to the middle aged fellow in the Caddy with New Mexico tags... It is not your responsibility to ensure that people drive the speed limit. I believe the good people of the State of Colorado pay a police force to enforce traffic laws. There's absolutely no need for you to decide how fast I, or anybody else, can drive in the left lane. That applies to any other lane, too.

There. I feel better.